of toss and turn
site specific video installation (3 channels)
shuts down the computer,
pushes self out under the desk,
stands up slowly,
stretches stiff back, legs and arms,
releases arousingly painful hissing squeaks–shifting into a yawn,
how many hours until the morning, at 3:12AM
(and morning would be minutes after six)
this thought makes one feel a bit down
it might not worth the effort
but gets the sweater off anyway
and the t-shirt too,
unties the belt,
lets the pants fall to the floor
shuts one’s eyes for an instance,
(the laptop screen is still on)
rubs one’s eyeballs with pleasure,
this makes the flicker ease a little
—collapses onto the bed.
falls asleep immediately,
into a gloomy heavy dream
(a fatal mistake in a task that never was)
the ceiling light’s still on, this wakes one up
—jumps to the switch
(the screen keeps floating there in the dark)
stumbles back to bed
reaches out to set the alarm,
considering the minutes obtainable
to lose them right away,
pushes the back pain into the mattress
—and it feels good,
s o g o o d!
—if only their head would stop throbbing.
this is the time for counting sheep,
there won’t be sheeps soon anyway.
all the grass burned away and yet,
one is just lying here in this room,
heated so nicely which one can barely afford
and since they are not getting any sleep
they might as well get back to work now.